MY NAME IS HAPPY AND I AM A FUN FEMINIST

Actually, despite the title of this post, I am not writing to confess to a giddy love of lip gloss or to admit to pandering in any way to expectations of female subservience or to equate lip gloss with female subservience.  But I have been writing and re-writing a post on femi-ness ever since I wrote a defense of Twisty's exhortations to examine one's own behavior in this area.  Now that femi-ness has become a renewed topic in the femosphere, it seems like a good time to publish this.   

Having recognized that feminist self-analysis is appropriate in this area, I can think of three categories to think about:

(1) Am I conveying an image of frivolity, helplessness, and vapidity? And if so, by whose standards, and does it matter? 

Condemning individual choices in isolation (like wearing high heels) is overly simplistic and unfair to women.  Nonetheless, I think it is possible to cross a line where one is doing oneself, and perhaps other women, a disservice by playing into expectations of the passive-sexbot/little girl persona that many people associate with "femininity."  Paris Hilton comes to mind.  Everything about her persona screams feminine powerlessness (from the flimsy delicate materials she wears to the stilettos to the teeny handbags to the relentless and expressionless posing to the little-girl voice).  I am referring, by the way, to Paris's public persona (for which she is ironically earning big bucks and amassing a large degree of personal power).  It is crucial to note that I am not referring to the three-dimensional human being behind that persona.

On the other hand, why should other people's judgment of whether our femininity conveys powerlessness or stupidity carry the day?  There does seem to be a strain in our culture that associates any degree of female beauty with being merely decorative.  The beautiful woman in the third-row of your history class couldn't possibly be extremely bright as well as beautiful, could she?  The woman with the huge rack couldn't possibly have anything important about her besides her chest, right? 

So while there is part of me that wants to frown at Paris Hilton, there is also part of me that cheers when a woman who is beautiful in a conventional (but strong) way is also a serious contender to become President of France.  I also appreciate the work of feminists like the bloggers at Feministing who, as I wrote previously, make the important point that "women can and should be able to have and enjoy their sexuality without  being reduced to or wholly defined by it -- just as men do."   

How does this line of thinking affect my choices? Well, today I am wearing a lime-green, boiled-wool, cropped jacket; a black skirt that goes to my ankles with a slit in the back that goes about half-way up my calves; nylons, three inch black chunk heels with gigantic silver buckles; a gold bead neckace that hangs to the top of my collar bone; gold knot earrings; a plain gold wedding ring, a stainless steel square watch with a maroon strap; some light make-up (under-eye concealer, blush, maroon lipstick, and some mascara); and straight shoulder length hair without bangs. This is pretty typical of how I dress for work.  I am at peace with this.  I have no sense whatsoever that my make-up or my nylons or my heels, while conventional, diminish me in any way or play into outdated gender roles.  I just don't.  I don't think my attire is especially feminist but I also don't think it is especially contrary to feminism.   

(2) Am I doing a disservice to myself by spending too much time, money, and angst on achieving a feminine look?   

Hmmm . . . this one is a little trickier for me. On a daily basis, I can easily get ready in less than 30 minutes, including time to shower, shave my legs, and apply make-up.  Heck, I could do it 20 minutes if I didn't keep stopping to hug my dog while getting ready in the morning.  I also only shop for clothes twice a year. 

On the other hand, I spend money on make-up and anti-wrinkle creams.  I also spend money and time on the occasional wax and on dye-ing my hair every 12 weeks.  There is also no doubt that I seem to putting more time and money into maintaining a certain personal appearance than when I was younger, and more time and money into my apperance than my husband. But this is hardly the focus of my life or a symbol of some underlying neurosis.

Now,  there have been times in my life, mainly in my teens and early twenties, when I have been neurotic about my weight or overly concerned with my appearance.  This was largely in response to so many other people focusing on how I looked when I was that age, an experience that I think is common to younger women.  The irony for a lot of women is that people keep making a big deal about how you look, but then if you become concerned about how you look (in response to these reactions), you are considered a typical representative of the frivolity and vanity of your sex. 

Fortunately, a feminist consciousness can lift a person out of that self-critical self-absorption by providing a sense of perspective that other people's opinions of how you look or should look are not the be-all and end-all.

(3) Am I making life tougher for other women by upholding conventional beauty standards that are expensive and perhaps psychologically painful?

By wearing make-up and heels, am I  putting more pressure somehow on women who would rather not wear these things? Hmmm . . . again maybe I'm wrong, but I tend to think not.  It may be different in other parts of the country and in other circles, but there are plenty of professional women where I live who aren't particularly feminine in a conventional sense. You can be kind of butch here and still be professionally accepted.  I know plenty of women who wear pantsuits, flats, short hair, no make-up, no jewelry, or variations thereof.  These women seem to carry it off and manage to look both elegant and professional without playing into conventional standards of femininity.  A lot of it seems to me to be a matter of individual choice and style.  I honestly think there are parts of the world, including my little corner of it, where women truly do have options about how anrodgynous or feminine they want to be.  Of course, since I opt towards the femme-y side, I have no way of knowing whether my less femme-y colleagues are taking crap for their appearance without my being aware of it.

Another issue is that traditional standards of femininity may be tough for many women to meld with a corporate look. For example, I bet it would be a lot more challenging to meet conventional standards for someone who is not white, or someone who has big boobs, to give just a couple of examples.  Indeed, for all of us women, it is more of a fine line to walk than just throwing on a standard coat-and-tie uniform like the guys and thus managing to convey an aura of power that is consistent with our sexuality without even thinking about it. 

I am not sure what individual women can do about that.  Does addressing this problem mean casting off the personal style I have developed and eschewing nylons and make-up going forward?

I think more important than how I choose to dress though is how I choose to treat other women.  Do I treat the new lawyer with the massive breast implants and the tight sweaters as seriously as my other colleagues?  Do I avoid being seen with the androgynous looking lawyer down the hall? Do I make unwarranted assumptions about these people based on how they look?  I hope that all the answers to these questions are "no."  But to me, I think that's where the rubber meets the road, far more than whether I toss on some lipstick in the morning. 

FINAL NOTE:  I have struggled with this post, but am putting it up mainly because it seems timely and I am tired of tinkering with it. My thoughts are very much in flux on this, however.

Comments

[Mermade]

I began wearing makeup at the age of 12. Ironically, my aunt, who is a self-described feminist but also worked at Clinique for many years, was the one who formally introduced me to the world of makeup. While I wish that she would have waited to give me makeup until later, I feel very blessed than I have a woman in my life who balances her feminist believes with her love of makeup quite well. However, I regret to say that I am addicted to the stuff. I feel "less attractive" when I leave home without it, which is entirely un-feminist (and un-Christian) of me. I think caring about your appearance in no way indicates a woman is "less feminist" than other. However, it is how you see yourself without it that matters. As of now, I am struggling with seeing myself as beautiful without the foundation, concealer and lipgloss.

[Elizabeth]

Just wondering if you purposely mentioned shaving your legs and if that is something you have thought about - in high school it was a big deal for me to stop shaving my legs and I got called "forest legs" and people made other mean comments. I don't know where they got forest legs by the way. Anyway, I know to shave or not to shave is a big deal for a lot of feminists/women. For me it was one way to say, even though I probably feel like it looks better with shaved legs and armpits, that is an oppresive culture telling me that (the same way they tell me to be skinny, wear make-up, etc) and I'm not going to do it. I'm used to it by now but even in college it was a struggle...

I never quite understood the deal with the shaving, but then I've always had a peculiar aversion to body hair. On men as well, which is probably why I gravitate towards asians or swimmers ;)
-CT

Actually, after thinking about this for a moment (thoughtful post btw, Happy) I don't personally feel you should worry too much if you choose to make an effort to look nice, be that via exercise, make-up, tailored clothing or what have you. For better or for worse, people respond to appearances...anyone who has worked in sales or probably anything dealing with face to face interactions can tell you this, first impressions especially. I think it's human nature to respond more positively to an attactive person. I was a bit of an ugly duckling when I was younger, but as I've gotten older and my appearance has changed I have noticed the difference in how people respond to me up front - both men and women. Attitude has a lot to do with it, but someone who is well turned out and has a healthy or youthful appearance is in most cases going to get a more positive initial reception then someone who looks like they do not take care of themselves, or (and I agree it's kind of unfair) someone who is ugly. That's an advantage if used properly. Like I said, maybe not fair or anything, but I think that's just reality. Might as well roll with it.
-CT

[mythago]

I just don't.

It doesn't help to handwave and decide 'well, if I like it, I'm not going mess it up with feminist analysis'.

[Sydney]

I remember in 7th grade, my friend asked me, "Do you not shave your legs because you're trying to make a feminist statement." I was completely mortified, ran home and asked my mom to buy me a razor. I guess I must have missed the shaving bandwagon as it came by because it never even OCCURRED to me that I was supposed to be doing it yet. I must have just been a bit slow in that regard, since NOW my friends all tell me that they started shaving in 5th or 6th grade. Oops.

Was that directed at me, mythago? Would you prefer that I conformed to your standards?
-CT

[Denise]

My whole life I have always been extremely "Femme". As a child I loved Barbie Dolls, playing dress up, styling hair, and admired the beautiful
and glamorous old-time movie actresses. As an adult I have long flowing hair, wear make-up, wear fashionalbe clothes, love babies and cute little animals, etc. and I am still as "girly' as ever !
However, from a very young age I have also been a militant feminist.
It's funny I have never seen a contradiction between being a Feminist and being "feminine" and have always been shocked to learn there are
those who do create a false dichotomy between the two !
Perhaps it's cultural. I have always thought that America is a particularly "macho" culture. I feel there is a rampant devaluation of the "feminine" in the dominant American Culture. Whether you are a man or a woman extolling feminine virtues is greeted with scorn.
Growing up in the United States I have never really been encouraged by anyone outside of my family to be feminine. The Feminist complaint that women are encouraged to be feminine has never rung true for me. I always get the impression that feminity is frowned upon and one who exhibits feminine characteristics is viewed as weak and vapid. "Being Pretty" = "Dumb", "Liking Clothes" = "Silly", "Being Generous" = "Pushover", etc.
And in my experience a "masculine" woman is always seen as superior
to a "feminine" woman. Needless to say that it is the same with men.
My mother's homeland is Italy and the Italian culture has been the biggest influence of my life. I always grew up with the idea that motherhood, family life, and glamour were great joys and certaintly not meant to be viewed as burdens. And that being "feminine" is not a mark of inferiority.
Perhaps Europeans have more of a love of beauty and aesthetics in general. I know that my cousins in Italy are always shocked at how American men and women seem to put such little effort into their everyday appearance. Everyone views the world through their own
cultural lens.
This is just my take on things but just to reiterate I have never
understood why a Feminist woman could not also be a "Feminine" woman and also be PROUD of it !

[Arwen]

I think there's a huge topic of class in this whole discussion which I don't see often addressed.

Where I was growing up, women wore stretchy black pants or jeans and sweatshirts. For fancy, there were sweaters with (hideous to my eye) applique. For really really fancy, a dress. I grew up with poor people: there was a serious danger to being too femmy, because then you were probably a "hoor" who was "putting on airs" &/or was trying to "sleep her way up".

Teen girls pulled their jeans up with their coathangers and did their hair in claws and slathered on 17 coats of Maybelline, sure: I'm not saying there wasn't a fundamental insecurity of female-ness, nor a fundamental *class* insecurity, where you're trying really hard to look rich: nor am I saying that there's not patriarchal spin on all this. But femmy is not, to me, just a matter of gender and leave it at that; it's bigger and deeper and more layered than whether Paris Hilton's image is an example of whoring your way to god almighty as the gold standard of female beauty. Her icon is way more layered than that.

What Paris Hilton is, is rich. Born into money. She's an idiot because she can AFFORD to be an idiot: look at that show where she runs around being a moron. Is this *really* about women? From where I'm standing, it's about class: "Lookit her, those goddamned rich people are morons; it's okay we're poor, because at least we're not broken in the head." Hilton is for schedenfreude.

Sexism? Sure. It's Paris Hilton and not Roger Gotrocks. To me, though, Hilton accomplishes two rather big things: first of all, she proves that money innoculates from the consequences of being utterly useless, and is therefore sort of a threat: but she also suggests that money isn't everything, unless you're willing to go all Flowers for Algernon.

I mean, it seems to me that the world over, "style" is about what's next to impossible to achieve unless you're rich, and that tends to reflect on class. The femmy woman thing seems to me to come out of a class where women didn't have to work - real work, mind you, not our fancy-pants intellectualism - and therefore were ornaments to their menfolk. Yeah, it's patriarchal that women are the primary ornaments, but haven't you all noted the rise of the rich meterosexual man?

I don't imagine the rich/poor thing is going away soon; but I do imagine that having a wife to be taken out of the closet looking unsuitable for working in the lower classes will become less representative of wealth for men, and men'll start having to worry more and more about hairplugs and raquetball and losing a few and having their cuticles done and their hair just so. And more butt implants and pec implants and whiter smiles and waxed backs and waxed fronts and the whole ninety yards. I mean, this is *happening* in male beauty culture: they have their own youth-i-fying product lines and Body Shop couture coming along.

I mean, now, it's these strange hair streaking techniques and from hell botox and lifted faces and surgery surgery surgery. This shit screams money, not beauty. People look damn odd after all that work is done.

Youth is more easily kept if you're not working class. If you're not spending all day every day on your feet, working 10 hour days, and bussing on the way home, to eat simple carbs in craptastic salt sauce for dinner. So of course youth is going to be a gold standard: poverty ages the heck out of people.

[Arwen]

(( Hence, you put on makeup for a job interview to look more "professional". Good makeup is not cheap.

I suppose, then, that I see Femmy women as making more of a money statement than a gendered statement. A perfectly understandable necessity in certain spheres; I'm not dissing femmy women at all of any class. But regardless of what the upper classes DO with style - make it gender neutral, whatever - they're still going to be "hobbled" from manual labour, "high maintenance", and expensive. ))