RANDOM SUNDAY MORNING REFLECTIONS: LAW FIRMS AND MASSAGES

My superbusy period doesn't seem to be ending, but I'll try to work in a substantive post later this afternoon.  I was chained to my desk at home all day yesterday writing a Trial Memorandum for a bench trial I have next week. I took breaks for a long walk in the rain and a nice meal of spaghetti and meatballs prepared by my lovely husband.  Today I am back in the office to try to write yet another Motion for Summary Judgment.  For those of you who are fortunate enough not to know, these can be time consuming affairs.  One has to select the facts to include in the Motion, and show that each of these facts is established by deposition testimony or some other type of sworn statement.  One then has to research the law regarding each pending claim and then come up with an argument as to why your side should prevail without having to go through trial (on the ground that you deserve to win just based on the facts everyone agrees on). 

As I trotted up the steps of my enormous and grandiose law firm building at seven o'clock this Sunday morning, I was shocked to see a homeless person sacked out on a sleeping bag on the front steps of the building.  I know I shouldn't be shocked, as we have a moderate homeless problem in our city and our firm borders a park where a lot of the homeless spend their time.  Still, it was most disconcerting partly because the area is utterly deserted that early on a Sunday morning and also because it felt weird to walk past this destitute person into the luxury of my firm with its french vanilla cappucino maker and air of hushed opulence. 

That got me thinking about different offices I have had.  BIGLaw, where I now work, is by far the nicest office space I have ever inhabited.  It is quite a contrast to the lowly District Attorney's Office in the dinky rural county where I was a prosecutor for five years.  When I was a prosecutor, I was far more powerful than I am now (big-fish-teeny-pond syndrome), but there was no luxury whatsoever attached to that.  My office walls were mismatched fake wood paneling.  My walls were so flimsy that a witness once created an enormous hole in my wall when she accidentally bumped into it in her electric wheelchair.  The hole in my wall was never fixed.  Our carpeting was threadbare, our fluorescent lights were constantly flickering and in need of replacement.  We were exposed to lead paint (or maybe it was asbestos, I've put it all out of my mind) and the building where I worked has since been condemned and razed to the ground. 

Worst of all, when I first arrived at the D.A.'s office, there were virtually no resources for doing legal research.  We had nothing on-line.  No access Westlaw.  No access to Lexis-Nexis.  No CD-ROMs containing case law.  All we had was a bookshelf containing all the volumes of published cases for our state -- but the index portion that helps you locate cases pertaining to your legal issue was missing.  So I had all the published cases in hundreds of volumes, but no way to locate the ones that I would need to address the specific legal issues that might arise in my cases. We also had five or six random volumes of the U.S. Supreme Court Reporters. 

When I first got there, I asked my boss how they did legal research.  Apparently, they hadn't done any actual legal research in years.  They might support their pleadings with some very generalized citations from the state criminal law treatise and that was about it.  They had once asked for a budget for research costs, but the county governing body didn't understand why we would need anything beyond the books we already had! Fortunately, when I told my boss I couldn't function without at least the state law cases on CD-Rom, she took it out of another line item in the budget.  I also cribbed federal law cases from the free on-line service my husband had through his then-firm -- but sheesh.

I think of that now whenever I sit in my firm's very well-stocked two story law library which has its own law librarian and a hard copy of pretty much every resource you could need in addition to various on-line services we subscribe too.  And lots of space, and work stations for the attorneys!  I know it's weird but I always feel a little flutter of wonderment and gratitude whenever I use the firm library-- even if it's early in the morning on a freakin' Sunday.

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I know I'm late to the pile-on but I must confess to being oddly fascinated by the video footage of President Bush giving Chancellor Merkel an unsolicited shoulder massage after sneaking up on her from behind in the midst of her conversation with the Italian Prime Minister. Her grimace and defensive movement said it all -- and boy, do I know how she felt.  I have been in that precise situation when some dude I don't really know that well comes up and starts rubbing my neck shoulders when I am in the middle of a conversation with someone else.  I remember thinking, "What does this guy expect me to do? Go limp? Close my eyes and emit a deep 'Aaaaaah'? Ignore him and continue my conversation with the person I was talking to?" Of course, what I actually did was kind of break away, turn around, and include creepo in the conversation.  I probably grimaced just like Merkel too.  Bleaaaah. 

Even worse then the unsolicited shoulder massage though is the unsolicited lift up into the air. Yep.  That's what I said.  The unsolicited lift up into the air.  As in, one minute you're minding your own business being mildly sociable with both feet planted on the ground, and the next minute some asshat has grabbed you bodily and lifted you above his head in a very misguided attempt at charm.  This has only happened to me twice, -- but believe you me, it rankled.   One perpetrator was a random dude at a college party, the other was my husband's best friend from childhood who is so socially awkward that he is wont to punch you in the arm, pull your hair, shove you in a friendly way, or  pick you up, because he doesn't know what else to do.  I think in both instances I yelled, "PUT ME THE !**)#! DOWN!"  I may not be the largest person in the world but I can yell.   

Comments

[Arwen]

I had a science teacher in high school who came up and massaged my shoulders. I was generally a jumpy teenager. So I reflexively elbowed him - and then realized what I had done. He did apologize to both me and my classmates. He wasn't a creepy guy generally, and showed no interest in me other than vague avuncular attempts to get me to relax. This being the worst idea in that campaign, and netting him only a sore side...

Heh, I'm only 5 feet tall and so people have the urge to pick me up and spin me around!! I make it very clear that is not acceptable.

[Richard]

Oh, for crying out loud. Bush did not give her a "shoulder massage." How insincere and manipulative can you be? You're trying to spin this into something sexual, when it clearly had nothing to do with sex. You're suffering the Bush-as-cartoon-character syndrome that makes you see normal things as hideous. I've seen men do exactly the same thing to other men, and men have done it to me. It's a quick squeeze of the shoulders that's a non-sexually affectionate way of saying "Hey there, good to see you?" Instead of seeing it through sexist eyes, you should be praising Bush for not treating his female counterpart any differently than he would his male counterparts. Bush would do the exact some thing to Blair or Mexican Pres Fox if the situation presented itself. If Merkel is not used to it, that's her problem, as the shoulder squeeze is an entirely acceptable, non-sexual behavior in many cultures. Get real.

[The Happy Feminist]

Whatever. Whether he came up behind and squeezed her shoulders or massaged her shoulders is a distinction without much of a difference in my book. I wouldn't like either regardless of the gender or political orientation of the person doing the squeezing. And I have to say I have traveled a lot in the U.S. and Europe and Africa and Latin America, and I am not really aware of any culture where people enjoy being the squeezee in this kind of circumstance.

(I didn't say anything about "sexist" but since you've raised it, it's an interesting point. I wonder if he would have done that to President Fox or Prime Minister Blair . . . But that's really beside the point because either way, it's an unappealing behavior. The safest course is to keep your paws off people except for culturally approved contacts that occur during hellos and good-byes.)

[Richard]

Ah, yes you did say something about sexism. Your post with ladled thick with language that Bush's behavior was sexual and aimed at, well, I guess arousal. You compared it to your own experiences with unwanted "massage" ("What does this guy expect me to do? Go limp? Close my eyes and emit a deep 'Aaaaaah'? ...I probably grimaced just like Merkel too. Bleaaaah.")

You say you've traveled a lot, but are you denying you've ever seen a men squeeze another men's shoulders when they come up behind them, without anyone getting offended? Really? Honestly? How about touching the shoulders without the squueze? Seen that on your atlas roaming? What if Bush had hugged her? Would that be him trying to "feel her up" too? Ever seen that in all your worldwide travels? Really, I think you're being an opportunist on this one.

[TangoMan]

I tend to favor the notion that Bush suffered brain damage earlier in his life.

I do agree with Richard's assessment about how this is being spun, but I disagree that The President's actions were in any way acceptable. First, he is operating at the highest levels of diplomacy. Secondly, he's operating in a cross-cultural arena, and the customs of his Yale Frat and good ole boy Texas are not universally acceptable. Thirdly, in pretty much all cultures there are people who don't like to be touched. Fourthly, the event is televised and you are the representative of your nation and your every move is being watched.

There is something askew in the wiring of the President's brain.

[mythago]

We were exposed to lead paint (or maybe it was asbestos, I've put it all out of my mind) and the building where I worked has since been condemned and razed to the ground.

Unless you were pulling paint off the walls and eating it, it was probably asbestos. Just about any building newer than 1975 is going to have some, unless it's been abated.

Richard's right that Bush's actions weren't sexual--stupid and patronizing, to be sure, but not sexual.

[mythago]

duh, that'd be OLDER than 1975, above.

[The Happy Feminist]

I never said Bush's squeeze or massage was sexual, nor did such a thought cross my mind. It never occurred to me that the unwanted massage I received was sexual. My reference to going limp and emitting an "aaaahhhh" was a reference to how people are expected to respond to massages. Not all massages are sexual -- annoying if they are unsolicited and unwanted but not sexual! Boy, you have a dirty mind Richard!

And Tango Man, I agree with you! How 'bout that for a change! This was a case of piss poor judgment.

[Cassandra]

I don't think Bush's actions were sexist--didn't he kiss some bald dude on the head?--but they were definitely inappropriate. On one of the other blogs, someone brought up that unexpected touching in German culture is very taboo. Besides, while going up to a friend of yours and randomly grabbing his/her shoulders might be okay, Bush and Merkel are not friends. This was trying to put more familiarity in their relationship than is actually there.