DISABILITIES ISSUES: MY PALTRY TWO CENTS

Via Alas, I have learned that Diary of a Goldfish sponsored "a blogging against disablism" day on Monday.  There is a very interesting round-up of links regarding the experiences of people with disabilities-- a group even the most able-bodied among us could one day join.  As the wife of a paraplegic, it seems that I ought to have something terribly profound and insightful to say.  Unfortunately I don't and, as I have mentioned, I am strapped for time at the moment. Thus, the two thoughts that come to mind are rather mundane, although the first is nonetheless quite important:

-- DON'T #*(!) PARK IN THE PARKING SPACES RESERVED FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILIES UNLESS YOU ARE A PERSON WITH A DISABILITY!!! GOT IT?   I don't care if you're "just running in" to the store.  Sometimes a person with a disability wants to just run into the store too.  But he can't, because YOU are parked in the one spot wide enough for him to open his door all the way and get his wheelchair out of the car.  So he's driving around and around the parking lot fuming because you couldn't be bothered to park a couple spots down. And then he comes home and bitches all night to his poor wife who just wanted to have a couple beers and chill out. Or maybe he gave up and didn't "just run into the store" because you are hogging the parking spot, thus forcing his otherwise extremely busy wife to leave her nice warm comfy home to make a special trip to the store to get milk, bread, or whatever. So stop doing that!!! 

-- Don't assume that the lovely woman living with the paraplegic man in your apartment complex must be his maid or home health care assistant.  The fact that you see her leaving the apartment complex every day in a business suit and carrying a brief case could perhaps be a tip-off that she is not in fact a maid or home health care assistant.  Thus, before you ask, "How long have you been [paraplegic man's] attendant?"  consider the fact that paraplegic men sometimes have wives, even very cute ones (if I do say so myself).  If you have committed a faux pas like this one, however, don't beat yourself up the way you should if you have parked in the "handicapped" parking spot, because at least in this instance, you have provided moments of great hilarity for the paraplegic man and his attendant/lovely wife for years to come. 

Comments

[will]

The lovely cute wife just made me laugh. Thanks.

[Sydney]

Happy,

Do you feel the same way about the handicapped stall in the bathroom? I've always wondered what the consensus was on that.

[The Happy Feminist]

Ah yes! That's an interesting one since, despite my self-righteous tone in the post, I have been guilty of using the bathroom handicapped stall. I have confessed this foible to my husband who admonished me to STOP IT! I haven't myself really thought through all the fairness issues related to this though.

My current habit is that I will not use the handicapped bathroom stall in most public bathrooms. In my firm, however, if I know there's no one around with a disability, I will avail myself of the handicapped stall, mainly because I have a pretty good sense of whether anyone is around that day who might need it.

[norbizness]

She's a randy maid, that one is!

[will]

I get the impression that Happy's hubby is a fun loving guy who would hear such a comment and respond by smacking Happy on the butt and saying "The service sent me over a damn fine piece of ass to help me, didnt they? If you want, I can put send her over to your place to help you on Wednesday afternoons. Just make sure to tip her real nice!"

[j0lt]

Re: the stalls in bathrooms - I often use them because they are often where the changing table for babies is located. And, if I've got both boys with me and I'm by myself its the only way to fit us all in one stall so I can keep an eye on them.

But I would NEVER use a parking space for the disabled.

Re: the word handicapped - a friend of mine in law school, who is disabled (lost the lower part of her left arm and hand) once told me that the word handicapped was not favored amongst the disabled because of old, nasty associations with begging, i.e., "hand-to-cap" So I stopped using that term. But I'm curious as to what the reactions of other disabled persons are to this term because if so, why are so many organizations for the disabled still using it??

[The Happy Feminist]

I'd never heard that that was the origin of the term "handicapped." The disabilities rights non-profit where my husband works always says "people with disabilities."

My husband likes "hand-dandy-capped."

[will]

I would like to add that I hate it when people use the word "retarded" as an insult. And yes, I typically point out my displeasue when I hear it.

[norbizness]

You know, between the coudroy pants and that particular sobriquet, it appears that your husband has been to Ned Flanders Re-Education Camp (or, for short, "re-Neducation").

[j0lt]

will: how do you call people on their ableism? I'm always curious to know how people navigate the difficulty of calling people on their ableism or heterosexism (I hear "queer" used as an insult a lot) in a way that is educational/informative as opposed to hostile. I'm not good at it, so I'm curious. . .

Which is not to say I don't get angry when the situation demands it, but sometimes that can backfire.