THE PERFECT FEMINIST ROMANTIC HERO -- UPDATED

I am disturbed by this old editorial in the Guardian, which I found when I was writing my last post on Austen.  Cherry Potter expresses concern that Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice remains straight women's "favourite fictional romantic icon." As she notes, he is the character 1,900 women across the generations most want to date, according to a recent poll by the Orange Prize for Fiction. Potter believes this predilection for Mr. Darcy, especially among "educated literary feminist women," reflects confusion about what women really want.  But Potter -- like Elizabeth Benet herself -- has utterly misread Mr. Darcy, assuming that he is the "epitome of the dominant patriarchal male," and that upon marriage he will turn out to be "rigid, dominating and controlling."

I myself sighed quite a few yearning sighs over Mr. Darcy when I first read Pride and Prejudice as a teenager.  But my fantasies had nothing to do with deep down wanting a patriarchal, dominating or controlling man.  They had to do with a desire for total admiration from someone worthy to give it. 

Mr. Darcy is sexy and compelling because he is a strong and powerful figure and also because he respects the strength and power of Elizabeth Bennet.  Despite the fact that Elizabeth Bennet is rather unglamorous (with very embarrassing relatives, looks not quite up to par with her sister's, and very little wealth), Mr. Darcy sees her true worth.  Elizabeth Bennet is Mr. Darcy's equal in intelligence, wit, sense, and character, and Mr. Darcy loves her for it. The fantasy is to win the utter respect, admiration and passion of a man of great intelligence and great character, especially a man who is not easily won. 

Far from being dominating or controlling, Mr. Darcy does not presume that he can dictate anything to Elizabeth Bennet.  When she rejects his first proposal, he is surprised (and angry at her uncivil manner in refusing him), but he takes "no" for an answer. He also later comes to understand why she was insulted by his proposal.  When changed circumstances lead him to propose a second time, he promises never to bother her again if she doesn't want him.  His behavior contrasts favorably with that of Mr. Collins who refuses to believe her when she tells him she doesn't want him. 

Mr. Darcy also compares favorably to other romantic literary heroes.  Gone With the Wind's Rhett Butler slaps Scarlett O'Hara around, and he ridicules and patronizes her throughout their relationship.  He loves her passionately but without any attendant respect or admiration.  Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights is a controlling "batterer" type, indulging in terrible cruelty when his obsessive, all-consuming love-hate relationship with Catherine is not satisfied. 

While Potter believes that "no wonder men are confused" by the modern-day Darcy fixation, in fact, Mr. Darcy is the perfect feminist romantic hero.  His example gives lie to the notion that feminism is about wanting a weak and malleable romantic partner.  His example also gives lie to the notion that even self-professed feminist women really want to be dominated by men.  It's really quite simple: the best romances are between strong people who appreciate each other's strength and Jane Austen recognized that truth two whole centuries ago.   

(NOTE:  In light of recent blogging against heteronormativity, I am trying to figure out how to make this post not so heteronormative.  On the one hand, I was thinking of qualifying the post by stating that Mr. Darcy is the perfect romantic hero for heterosexual feminist women.  On the other hand, I have no reason to assume that only straight women yearn for a partner like Mr. Darcy.  I say this as someone who once had a mad crush on a remote and mysterious woman who was rather like Mr. Darcy in many ways.)   

UPDATED:  I am feeling all embarrassed and shy and pleased by Amanda's post on this post.  How great to wake up first thing in the morning to find nice things about yourself on the internet! And this on the mark observation:

And the book makes the case that often the best personalities sometimes are initially the most caustic.  For feminist women, many of whom are used to threatening people all the time with our unwillingness to show female submission, that’s a very alluring message.

Do check out the great comments thread after her post about people's favorite romantic couples from books and film.

Comments

[MissPrism]

Well said!
Angel Clare treats Tess of the D'Urbervilles like crap too.

[Sarah]

A wonderful post.

I think Hardy meant Angel to be a hypocrite, the "not-so-nice-nice-guy" that's the counterpoint to "brutal rapist"; it was Tess' saintly forgiveness that enabled them to get back together after his abandonment. Impossibly saintly creations like Tess might not be seen as precisely feminist in the "placing unrealistic expectations on women" side of things, but the book at least drew attention to the sexual double standards of the time.

[anon]

You are so right! I hadn't quite been able to articulate Darcy's appeal, but you hit the nail on the head.

[Morgana]

Not sure I can quite agree-- one reason that Mr Darcy is considered such a good match for Elizabeth is because she can respect him as a superior (see the part where Elizabeth talks to her father after Darcy has asked permission for her hand), not as an equal. I guess you could argue that this is simply Mr Bennet's take on it, but I don't think that there's much to suggest that Elizabeth or the narrator of the text disagrees with Mr Bennet's point of view in this instance.

[Mickle]

Morgana, I dunno, I may be relying too heavily on everyone's favorite screen adaptation, but Elizabeth's initial rejection of Darcy's proposal makes it quite clear that she refuses to marry someone who doesn't value her. That she sees Darcy as the master of the house feels like window dressing after everything that has already happened. Considering that this is Jane Austen, the fact that it is Mr. Bennet who is saying this and not Elizabeth does bring up the question of the author's agreement. Maybe it's just me but Jane Austen always seems to do a fantastic job of making her characters seem just conventional enough to create controversy but not widespread condemnation from the polite society she wrote about, and she does this at times by being ambiguous.

Besides, even if I am relying on BBC's adaptation, most (modern) people's impression of Darcy is through this same lens, so Happy's explanation as to why modern women still love Darcy still holds. Most of us have read the book (several times), but more of us have watched the mini-series several times.

[Lanoire]

Regardless of what Mr. Bennett says, or what Lizzie may think, the fact is that Mr. Darcy never behaves like Lizzie's his inferior--and Lizzie certainly never behaves like Darcy's her superior. Actions speak louder than words.

[The Huntress]

True. I find it much more disturbing when women tell me how much they love Mr Rochester. Urgh.

[Jesurgislac]

I dunno - one of the things I like about Mr Rochester is that he recognises Jane Eyre's quality. (Though Jane Eyre herself is much more of a feminist heroine: a woman of principle and conviction.)

[Deborah]

The difference between Elizabeth Bennet and Scarlett O'Hara is that Elizabeth is honest with herself about who she is. Rhett Butler respects and admires Scarlett when she is being herself, and despises her when she pretends that she fits in with the social norm. Rhett believes he can persuade Scarlett to be herself, and damn the social norm, but he cannot and he ultimately gives up.

The difference between Rhett Butler and Mr. Darcy has as much to do with the women as with the men. Mutual respect requires self-respect.

[The Happy Feminist]

Oooh -- good point. I never thought of it quite that way.