MORE ON "ASHAMED OF BEING A WOMAN?"

More thoughts as a follow up to yesterday's musings.  The problem with a lot of stereotypically female traits is that they tend to be disabling -- traits like meekness or timidity or excessive emotionalism.  Those are the types of traits that I would not be ashamed of necessarily, but that I would try to change.  (Of course, there are also stereotypically feminine traits like empathy and compassion which I view as strengths.)

When I was growing up, I was painfully shy.  I was also easily frightened by bullies.  I don't know if I had those traits because of my sex or my socialization or just the personality I happened to be born with.  I do know that these were aspects of myself that I was determined to overcome.  At school, I would set mini-goals for myself like, "Today I will talk to three boys" or "Today I will initiate a conversation with someone I don't know."  I also made a pact with myself that I would stand up for myself in some fashion whenever I was bullied or treated disrespectfully-- no matter how stupid I might look or what the consequences might be.  There were times when I overreacted to bullying or said the wrong thing or said something foolish, but I tried to force myself to always respond in some way. Over time, and with practice, I learned to handle confrontation very effectively, probably better than most people in fact.   

I am happy to report that no one who knows me today would ever in a million years suspect that I was once a shy kid.  I am also happy to report that I have not (at least not since my first year of law practice) ever allowed myself to be bullied.  Over the past seven years, I have successfully maintained my policy of not taking crap-- not from bosses, not from judges, not from opposing counsel, not from my dad, not from anyone.  I think I handle adversarial situations and confrontation as effectively as my male colleagues.  So am I inherently an outgoing, assertive person?  Not really -- but I have learned those skills because I recognized my timidity and shyness as problems to be overcome. 

Comments

[Erin]

Hi HF,

I agree with you that those traits in excess are not necessarily strengths! Those traits of shyness, etc, are ones that I've had to deal with as well. I still have a more reserved personality, but I have worked hard to learn to become more outgoing when the situation demands it.

Like you, I don't see those personality traits you mentioned as inherently feminine. Many feminine woman have outgoing, vivacious personalities, and many of them are rather strong-willed! I think what Zan was probably referring to were elements that ARE inherent in women, and yes...these are mysterious at times. Who can understand our very nature? At the most basic level, I believe that woman yearn to be cared for, and also to nurture those in their care. Men want to protect. Perhaps there is some variation, taking into account personalities and situations, to how this is carried out. But it is in us as men and woman. As a woman, I want to develop my strengths in such a way that my feminine nature is acknowleged and satisfied.

[iphone schutzfolie]

I think we all have our moments… and as humans we have a tendency of wishing the best for ourselves at times even we think wish i were a female.. and others when we are surely thankful we arent females.so i guess its different at different times.
hope I make sense..