CRAZY FEMINISTS -- UPDATED

In light of my prior post regarding my decision to enter therapy, there are those who will undoubtedly now take issue with the name of this blog or who will argue that my admitted problems somehow discredit the feminist positions I have taken. 

With regard to the name of this blog, I should note that people with problems are capable of happiness.  Much of the happiness I have enjoyed is attributable to personal strength derived from a feminist worldview and a lot of luck.  And besides, "the Happy Feminist" isn't necessarily meant to be taken literally but was rather conceived as an ironic take-off on the notion of "the Happy Homemaker," or "the Happy Hooker" (that old Penthouse column by Xaviera Hollander), both phrases that imply a woman's unquestioning contentedness with her subservient role.

With regard to whether my personal mental health issues discredit my feminism, I've got lots more to say.  There are those who argue that feminists are by nature miserable, maladjusted people either because feminism makes us that way or we are driven to feminism by our personal problems.  Frankly, I don't see how believing in one's own self-worth and right to dignity and equality leads to unhappiness. After all, these things are never argued to lead to unhappiness in men. 

As for whether problems in one's personal life lead people to embrace feminism, in my case feminism was part of my family's value system before I was born, going back to my grandmother.  But if people are drawn to feminism as a result of problems in their personal life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that.  The personal problems of a feminist do not discredit feminism itself, despite the endless efforts of those who rely on ad hominem attacks.

I was tempted not to go into my personal issues on this blog out of a fear of playing into anti-feminist stereotypes of the screwed up feminist.  But freedom means not having to pretend to be superhuman just because I am a feminist.  Although feminists are often very strong, tough women, being a feminist does not guarantee a woman invincibility, nor should we allow ourselves to be forced to hold to that standard. 

And finally, as I argued in this this post, the purpose of feminism is NOT to make women happy:

. . . We never see articles that talk about whether democracy will make the Iraqis happy or whether equal rights for African-Americans have made them happy or whether our civil liberties make us Americans happy.  I don't think those who fought the American Revolution said to themselves, "Wouldn't we be happier if we simply accepted taxation without representation rather than fighting this rather unpleasant war?" 

. . . Feminism is about freedom and equality of opportunity for women as a class. Happiness, in turn, is up to the individual and there are no guarantees.  To require feminism to serve up happiness on a platter for women is to ask of it something that is not asked of any other political or cultural movement or philosophy . . .

UPDATE:  The name "Happy Feminist" is also meant to convey an upbeat, optimistic approach to the consideration of feminism.  We have indeed come a long way, baby, although we also have a long way to go.  That's not to say that I will never complain about the state of the world, or exchange barbs with someone, but the basic flavor of this site is meant to be positive. 

Comments

[hexy]

Illness does not discredit your feminism, whether it's related to your brain, your reproductive tract, your pancreas, your kidneys, or any other organ.

[Helena]

Ditto to Hexy. And I'd say that real strength comes from respecting our own vulnerability and giving it some space, too (instead of denying it and trying to be "strong").

[Dr.Sue]

HF, thank you for these posts. I've worked as a therapist for over 20 years, and my clients have been no more "disturbed" or "irrational" than people who don't enter therapy--they are just more focused on taking responsibility for the parts of their life that aren't working, and finding ways to change them. In that sense, I would say that feminism DOES drive many women into therapy,in that it has enhanced our sense of agency in the world, and the conviction that our issues are legitimate and worthy of attention.

Failing to seek help for a psychological issue is not a sign of strength or independence, any more than failing to seek medical attention for a broken leg or cardiac condition would be.

[Barbara P]

I remember hearing someone once claim that all the radical feminists he knew had in some way been badly mistreated by the men in their lives (sexually abused, etc.) and that was their main motivator. (His intention in this statement was to discredit feminism.)

I disagreed with the idea that all feminists are motivated by such extreme personal experience (i.e. beyond day-to-day sexism). But I can understand that many probably are, and IMHO, their feminism is a positive response to the suffering they endured. They had suffered, and they're taking steps to prevent that suffering from happening to others.

Imagine if we told parents whose baby died from SIDS that they should just be quiet and stop trying to raise awareness of that issue, because they can't be properly objective about it. It's a completely nonsensical reaction, just as nonsensical as hushing the women who've suffered the worst of sexism!

[LauraJMixon]

I love the name of your blog. It's one of the things that hooked me and has made me a regular. And I agree with you that it is offensive and absurd that because patriarchy inflicts psychological harm on us, the very harm done gives anti-feminists an excuse to trivialize what we have to say about that harm. It's a classic double bind.

I also appreciate your openness. I was in counselling for six years, and am so glad I took that step, as resentful as I was at the time that I had to have counselling because of the harm that had been done to me. It was one of the smartest things I ever did, and I'm still glad about it. I learned a lot about myself, and gained tools that help me to this day.

I see the steps you are taking as a sign of strength, not weakness. Sexism and abuse are features of a patriarchical, authoritarian system, which functions through intimidation, by isolating and terrorizing women and minorities and children into submission. Being intimidated and terrorized (and ridiculed and harassed...) takes a heavy toll. Identifying how those mechanisms operated on us in our past, especially in our families of origin, helps us free ourselves from the old scripts we've been following.

-l.

[Shawna R. B. Atteberry]

I have clinical depression, so I understand. I have done both therapy and spiritual direction, and I found both invaluable.

[dave]

A Rose by any other name...

"The name "Happy Feminist" is also meant to convey an upbeat, optimistic approach...
...the basic flavor of this site is meant to be positive."

Yes, I picked up on that straight away, although, in a sense, you are really more like
The Joyful Feminist, since happiness depends on ones circumstances, whereas joy is more
a quality of the soul that comes from an inner peace with God.
(i.e. I can, and am, joyful in all situations, even the bad ones =>)

However, The Joyful Feminist would lack the punch of the Happy Feminist
since people would miss the connection to the Happy Housewife, etc. =D

[the15th]

I love the name and tone of this blog. I find it discouraging when some feminists don't want to acknowledge how much we've accomplished, for fear that it will sound xenophobic (admitting that women have more rights in western countries than many other places) or classist (being triumphant about our gains ignores those who haven't benefited as much.) I think it's a self-defeating attitude.

People complain about feminists being too "angry," but you're probably precisely the kind of feminist that they fear most -- charming and charismatic, yet incisive and uncompromising.

[Natalia]

You really, really, really have nothing to worry about. The crazy people are the ones who refuse to get help, honestly. Therapy really helped me, and I can only hope that it helps you!

[Amanda Marcotte]

I remember hearing someone once claim that all the radical feminists he knew had in some way been badly mistreated by the men in their lives (sexually abused, etc.) and that was their main motivator. (His intention in this statement was to discredit feminism.)

I love it, Barbara. I get this all the time---that I'm "just" a feminist in response to being raped and abused in my past. (Weirdly, I always, always, always called myself one, but whatever.) People who resort to telling feminists that we're the way we are because of male abuse are admitting that feminism is a necessary movement. How odd that people who deny oppression are willing to admit that it exists in spades if they can use it to cast doubt on the claims of the victims?

Good luck with therapy, Happy. Statistically, depression (or willingness to admit to it) correlates strongly with intelligence and rationality. People who are able to deliver accurate appraisals of their situations in a clinical situation are more likely to be depressed than people who are baselessly optimistic. Turns out Kurt Cobain's query on whether or not being dumb and being happy were the same thing was not just pissing in the wind.

[trope]

But freedom means not having to pretend to be superhuman just because I am a feminist. Although feminists are often very strong, tough women, being a feminist does not guarantee a woman invincibility, nor should we allow ourselves to be forced to hold to that standard.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so pleased to read of your recent revelations and I think it's brave and smart to take care of yourself first and be a role model for the rest of us who also may need to take those steps.

[GH]

I am so excited to find your site! As it turns out, I am a feminist-minded gal who is pursuing therapy to cope with the process of divorcing a narcissistic spouse. Your last several posts have been like a cool drink of water to someone who has spent too long in the dessert. Thanks for the points that divorce does not equal failure, seeking help does not equal weakness, and being thrown off your horse by someone else's abusive conduct does not make you a defective human being. Maybe these are all obvious enough points, but they bear repeating. And repeating. And repeating.

[Antigone]

Good for you Happy! I'm often told on my blog that I'm "only" a feminist because of a bad relationship I had with my dad. I always roll my eyes; I feel like telling them that the only reason they're anti-feminists is because of an over-entitled mindset given to them.

I'd like to join you in thearapy, honestly, but if the FAA hears that I'm having ANY psychological problems whatsoever, I'm grounded.

Just think about that next time you're in a plane: your pilot might be an unmedicated depressant because if s/he gets help, s/he loses her/his job.

[The Happy Feminist]

Oooh, I am so glad people can relate and find all this discussion helpful.

Antigone, with my lawyer hat on, that sounds (off the cuff) like a potential ADA violation to me. It seems as though there shouldn't be grounding of pilots unless the psychological issue actually raises a question of dangerousness. Having psychological issues does not equal being dangerous! On the other hand, having psychological issues isn't necessarily the same thing as having a "disability" as defined in the ADA either. Hell. Who cares -- let's sue!

[Sunstone]

I wasted a decade before getting treatment for depression. It is my considered opinion that decade did nothing to make me a stronger person, but the treatment I've received has.

Besides that, anyone who writes as beautifully and logically as you cannot possibly be confused with her illness. That is, you are not your illness any more than you would be a broken leg if you had a broken leg rather than a psychiatric problem to deal with.

[Ron O.]

I have depresion, but haven't done therapy. I stay balanced with diet & exercise, but that is not always enough. My wife has gone through therapy for her anxiety & depression and has encouraged me to do so too. It takes me a while to trust people so I've been a bit put-off by the thought of having to share my thoughts with some I don't know. Though I also realize to him or her my problems are very mundane.

Antigone, can you afford to pay cash to keep your insurance from being billed?

[Ron O.]

Antigone - Never mind. I just checked your blog and see you are a student and not a highly paid commercial pilot. I admit I'm a little jealous because I've always wanted to learn to fly. I was repeatedly told as a kid that I'd never be able to because of my poor eyesight. Alas, I won't have the time or money for recreational flying for many more years, but someday I will. Good luck with your studies (and your head) this year.

[Shawna R. B. Atteberry]

Dave, you rock. Sorry for the one liner Happy, but I just had to say that.

[tinfoil hattie]

If you want it, get the therapy. Get it, get it, get it. Depression and anxiety CAN be treated. If you don't click with the first therapist you try, look for another. And another. You are worth it, your mental health is worth it, and I say, "flip off!" to anyone who tries to talk you out of it. Let me know if you want me to beat 'em up!

Also there's a helpful book called Undoing Depression by Richard O'Connor, a Ph.D psychologist who has -- gasp! -- suffered from depression himself! Visit http://www.undoingdepression.com/ if you're interested.

[Hilltop]

Great blog. Just stumbled on it this evening. Thank you for sharing yourself so honestly.

I too am a lawyer. I am continually surprised at how much (billable) time I spend listening to clients who do not need the assistance of a lawyer, they need the assistance of a counselor/therapist/doctor. I conclude there still remains such stigma attached to therapy that it is emotionally easier for people to call a lawyer instead. I envision them telling their neighbors that they today called their warrior -- not some limp wristed counselor.

I am a veteren and unremitant fan of therapy. It changed my life in the mid 1990's. I've recently been feeling enough off-center to be warming up for a tune up. I think it must be like hiring a guide for a mountain climbing trip. The guide can suggest different routes with different views. But in the end, it will be me that has to choose my route and sweat the work of climbing the hill. No way 'round that.

I hope you find both pleasure and relief in the work.

[Txfeminist]

Actually, finding peace in the midst of conflict, or happiness in the midst of difficulty, is probably a more genuine form of peace/happiness than otherwise. You are on the right track, in my opinion.

:-)best wishes!