David Thompson

heart surgery is a miserable, awful experience but it's a great thing because it is a tool to help people avoid the worse alternative of death.

That's a curious value judgement.


Why would it be?



happy i loveyouloveyouloveyou!!!
maybe this seems strange to you, but actually this is the very first time in my life that someone (who is not me heh) utters the opinion that divorce is something very positive (like you said, its not fun and may be a horrible experience itself - but the choice to do so most likely has saved many, many people from a lot of bitterness in their lives) and doesn't interpret the increasing divorce statistics as "the end of love" or a prove that this world is going downhill or something like that.... thank you! yay for happy!!

i have a very good friend whose mom got divorced when she was 5 and she often worries that if she marries one day her marriage will, like, automatically fail just because the statistics say that children of parents who got divorced are way more likely to get divorced, too (she lets herself deeply influence by statistics - she's a sociology student, what can i say...).
and i always tell her that she should see it positive: her mom had not the slightliest idea how to manage finances and other things when she got divorced since that always had been done by her (ex)husband. she learned it, she got really successfull, happy and raised 3 wonderful and really strong daughters, my friend being one of them. and i always tell hey, if you ever happen to marry a guy who does not treat you right, you won't hesitate a second and LEAVE, you won't be even able to let yourself be humiliated. and if that happens, which i do not hope, say thank you to yourself and to your mom - cause she is a wonderful role model that divorce is not the end of your life but a start into a new, obviously better life. a woman who has been raised in an oh-so-perfect family (be it only seemingly so or really) is more likely to be scared by the fact of divorce itself and may hesitate way longer or not dare it at all.
i really mean what i say and i hope one day my words sink in and she stops worrying.


wait... i of course did not want to say that this is the first time in my life someone utter something like that... i wanted to say thats the first timein my life i actually see someone uttering this.


Had you heard about Stevenson and Wolfers' research suggesting that adoption of unilateral/no-fault divorce laws may be responsible for reduced rates of domestic violence against and suicide among women?
From http://www.gsb.stanford.edu/news/research/econ_divorce.shtml:

Because states changed their divorce laws at different times, the researchers could examine the impact in state-by-state comparisons. For example: California changed its law in 1969, Massachusetts in 1975. "If we expect the suicide rate to fall, we expect it to fall six years earlier in California than in Massachusetts," said Wolfers.

Tapping into the national database of death certificates, Wolfers and Stevenson traced suicide rates before and after divorce reform and found a statistically significant reduction of nearly 6 percent in the female suicide rate following a state's change to unilateral divorce. There was no discernible change in male suicides. Looking longer term, they found close to a 20 percent decline in female suicides 20 years after the change to no-fault divorce.

The Grouch

Yes. It bugs the hell out of me when people, even of the non-social-conservative variety, pay obsequious lip service to the notion that divorce is oh-so-tragic and devastating. Divorce may be "tragic" and "devastating" compared to a nice picnic in the woods. But it's not tragic or devastating compared to a really terrible marriage. Just like, as you point out, heart surgery is painful and horrible compared to having a delicious ice cream cone. But people in that situation don't have a choice between heart surgery and ice cream--they have a choice between heart surgery and death.


This is wonderful; thank you. I've always been a little confused by people's idea that rising divorce rates are always 100% bad...I think it has more to do with women having greater opportunity to support themselves than it does with irresponsibility or "selfishness".


My mother went through two divorces before she met my dad. Her first husband turned to alcoholism and beat the shit out of her, and her second husband embarked on a very public, in-your-face affair.

My father went through two divorces before he met my mom. His first wife had a very public, in-your-face affair (yes, this actually happened to both of my parents), and his second wife tricked him into a quickie marriage by lying about being pregnant.

Hooray for divorce.

P.S. Yes, yes, I know what people are going to say, they shouldn't have been married in the first place, blah blah. But Soviet society, like many societies, pressured people into marrying young. And it sucked, and still does suck.

David Thompson

Why would it be?

We all die sometime (unless you're Dana Scully). I find it rather odd to assume that undergoing a massively expensive, painful procedure to extract a few more miserable months is inherently preferable to an inevitable and usually painless moment.


Comment edited by Happy Feminist:

Sorenlerby reposted his blog post on the Forbes article in this comments thread. Since his post is too long for this comments thread (i.e. it was more than 250 words) and not quite on point with regard to the issue on divorce, I am simply going to post the link to his post here.

If you want, you can discuss it with him over at his place.

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