MORE UNFEMINIST ITALIAN FAMILY HISTORY

My grandfather's parents were "Beatrice" and "Giuseppe."  The grew up together in southern Italy in the 1880s and 1890s.  When they were children, they used to go to school at the same time, although to different schools.  On the way to school, Giuseppe used to weave in and out of the tiny side streets and then pop out in front of Beatrice to tease her.  Sometimes he would go to her house with his little white dog (with bells on the collar) to try to catch a glimpse of her at the window.  Sometimes he would go to her window with a few friends to try to serenade her, but her brothers would go to the upper windows and throw water on them. 

When they became teenagers, Giuseppe's aunt would go from house to house doing women's hair.  When Giuseppe's aunt went to Beatrice's house, she would bring Beatrice messages from Giuseppe.  At the time Giuseppe was an apprentice tailor.  Beatrice spent a lot of time weaving cloth to sell in order to fund her dowry. 

One day, Giuseppe's father (a jeweler) came to call on Beatrice's father.  Beatrice was terribly excited at the possibility that they might discuss her romance with Giuseppe. She listened to their conversation from behind the door.  To her immense frustration, all they talked about was bird hunting.  Just as he was leaving, however, Giuseppe's father asked if Giuseppe could have permission to call on Beatrice.  Beatrice's father agreed.

Giuseppe duly called on Beatrice on a number of occasions, but he and Beatrice hardly spoke to each other at all during these visits.  She just sat by the fire and knit, while he talked to her parents.  Eventually, Giuseppe and Beatrice married in 1900.  In 1901, they became proud parents of my grandfather, and immigrated to the United States the same year. 

Beatrice was raised to take care of the men-folk and to function as a second mother to her rather wild brothers.  Throughout her childhood and adolescence, she would knit a woolen sock every night before she went to bed, because the boys wore them out so fast.  Beatrice lived until 1966 and enjoyed a very close relationship with my father, who was her oldest grandson.  My father recalls that his grandmother felt very strongly that the males in the family should be waited on.  If my father were ever going to bring a chair from the kitchen to the dining room for example, his grandmother would make him stop and would tell one of his aunts to do it instead.  My father was never to pick up his plate or carry any platters, but rather was expected to allow his aunts and female cousins to serve him and the other males.  A typical old-world grandma, Beatrice was very hard on her daughters while coddling her son and grandsons.  Family wisdom has it that the reason two of my great-aunts never married was that Beatrice insisted that they stay with her to take care of her in her old age. 

In 1929, Beatrice's oldest son, my grandfather, married my grandmother, a progressive, birth-control-loving, Jewish feminist.  I can't imagine that there was much love lost between my grandmother and my great-grandmother.  Apparently Beatrice's "my son can do no wrong" mentality won out, and my unconventional grandmother was tolerated at family gatherings.

Comments

[chipmunk]

Many of my family stories have been lost. It's nice that you still have these, and that your family is working to make sure they aren't lost.

[Mrs. B]

Wow! Amazing that you have these stories....and you tell them so well. (o:

[Lanoire]

My father was never to pick up his plate or carry any platters, but rather was expected to allow his aunts and female cousins to serve him and the other males.

Amazing how fast things can sometimes change, isn't it? My father had a childhood much like this. Thanks to my wonderful mother, I can't imagine living in a social situation like that.

[Sydney]

My boyfriend is Italian (as in he has lived in this country for 5 years). His grandmother was devastated when he moved to the US. She told him she wished he had been born stupid so that he would stay and help her with the vinyard. She wasn't happy to hear about it when she heard he was dating an American girl. She's gotten over it though. Now when he goes home to visit she tells him that it's not so bad that he has to leave because now, "he has someone at home to take care of him." I fear she might die on the spot if she only knew it was the other way around. Some things never change.

[Bomboniera]

I think it's lovely you have this family history, and thank you for sharing.

We have a little joke in my family about the generational differences in how we treat our male partners. Let's say my husband would like a glass of water...

...Nana will jump to her feet to get it for him.
...my mother will get it, if she's already standing, or getting one for herself.
...I'll ask him to get one for me too, while he's up.

[cartucho r4 ds]

I find strong feminist roots in women across the economic and cultural spectrum, provided these women are active in the workplace and economically aware. Only ignorance and subjugation impede the feminist awakening.

Religion and feminism are two separate entities except within traditionalist and strongly paternal organized religion. This type of religion cannot last much longer, as women are largely responsible for family religious participation and financial support.