Frankly, I would have felt silly being a bridesmaid at any age. My friends used to threaten me with it: "Behave youself Winter, or we'll ask you to be a bridesmaid at our weddings." *shudder.* It always worked. ( ;

The Happy Feminist

What?!? You don't have a burning desire to wear matching pastel gowns with huge bows along with all your friends? What's wrong with you?

h sofia

There is a word for women like this. I wish there were words for men like this, too. *sigh*

I never get the dismal expressions of ego that weddings can become. I wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of someone who didn't want me to be! And what kind of person would be put out that their sister in law (unless she was a terrible person) wanted to be a bridesmaid? It's an opportunity to become closer to your *sister* in law. Argh! I don't get it.

The Happy Feminist

Actually, I don't think this lawyer meant anything malicious towards me. I think she was just being tactless. And this wedding business definitely did not bring out the best in her.


I am now regretting having put this up because I don't want to seem as though I am supporting a stereotype of women being "catty--"

I didn't see it that way at all - I simply thought that it was the hubris and inexperience of youth on display.

The Happy Feminist



Crikey. First of all, I thought people WERE young in their 30s, call me crazy. Second, I hate it when people get like that about their weddings. If you peruse the question and answer articles on any of the major wedding websites, there are ALWAYS letters from brides who have found out that one of their bridesmaids is pregnant and want to know how to kick her out of the wedding! I mean, jeez! Aren't you supposed to congratulate your friend, not say "Oh, ew, that belly can NOT be in my wedding pictures!"

I'm sure you're vibrant and glowing, Happy. :-)

L. Cougar

What I don't get is the whole idea of "being a bridesmaid" as though it's something about the bridesmaid-- as opposed to truly wanting the bride to have whomever she chooses as her bridesmaids. It's about attending the bride and her wishes. When my 10yr younger "baby" sister married, she wanted me to be her bridesmaid of honor (er, matron; I was 41 with 3 sons); her request was *why* I wanted to do it. Had she wanted her vibrant and glowing 32yr-old close friends (one of whom was pregnant) instead, then I wouldn't have had any desire to "be" a bridesmaid. (She had all of us. The wedding party was almost as big as the guest list!)

Did I feel silly? A little, not because of my age, though! but because I'm always self-conscious in front of people. (And because my 4yo son called out to me-- he thought I was making a mistake standing next to my sister instead of with the other bridesmaids. He was concerned for me to get it right! But being a gathering of people who valued relationships over some perfect example of being on display, no one minded that.)

About being the groom's sister, I guess I'd hope that the bride would honor her husband-to-be wishes regarding having his sister in the wedding. If I had a brother (I don't) *who wanted me to be in his wedding,* yes, I'd feel bad if the bride didn't include me. On second thought, why do the attendants have to be the same gender as the person they are attending upon?

The Happy Feminist

Good point as to your last question -- my husband's "Best Man" was his sister.


this wedding business definitely did not bring out the best in her

I don't think this wedding business brings out the best in anyone.

Generally speaking, I think women look "better" after they hit 30. And I don't mean that in an objectifying sense - but they often look more confident and more themselves (if that makes sense); they have an idea of who they are what they want and that is very very sexy.

Also, I'm 29 and I think I look better now than I ever have in my life before - but that might just be increasing arrogance and vanity, of course.

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