FEMINISM SUPERFLUOUS? LOOK AT THE RURAL POOR

A lot of people see feminism as superfluous in America.  After all, people don't view me as "less than" because I am a woman. (Do they?) I can appear in any courtroom or boardroom and be taken just as seriously as a man.  I have enjoyed access to the best educational resources in this country and have had the opportunity to do pretty much whatever I want without any gender-based limitations. This country is feminist nirvana, right?

Well, perhaps-- IF you are a white, heterosexual, conformist, middle-class, college-educated woman.  For people like me, any biases I face are very subtle.  But hang out with the rural poor for a while and it's like feminism never happened.

Of course, I don't want to paint this demographic of rural poor people with too broad a brush.  The rural poor people I met (in my virtually all-white county) are not necessarily representative at all.   The people I met are generally those I encountered through my work in the criminal justice system or through the civil rights and plaintiffs' cases I currently handle.  I got to know certain families through their constant interaction with the criminal justice system.  I can diagram the family trees of the five families whom I saw the most when I was a prosecutor.  Generations upon generations and cousins upon cousins were all in trouble with the law on a regular basis.  And in these families, the view of women was unequivocal:  girls and women are sex objects to be dominated.   

In those families, there is no consciousness of feminism whatsoever. Incest and wife-beating are a way of life.  Male privilege reigns supreme.  Parents often gave their 12 or 13 or 14 year old daughters "permission" or even encouragement to have sex with much older boyfriends.  One very young girl told me that she went to her father for help because her 20 year old boyfriend was pressuring her to have sex and she didn't want to.  Her dad told her to sleep with him already, because "there's nothing worse than a tease." So she slept with him and promptly got pregnant.  Her parents had taught her that giving her boyfriend what he wanted was the most important thing, regardless of the consequences for her.

Another young girl came home in tears  and told her parents that an older male cousin  "forced" her to give him oral sex.  Her father went to the cousin and said, "I know how these young girls can be, but please don't do this anymore."  The father was satisfied because the cousin apologized and "even" offered to split some firewood for the father.

Domestic violence by men upon women seemed to be par for the course.  One teenaged mother who was regularly batted around by her boyfriend reported the assaults to her parents on an ongoing basis.  They counseled her to stick with him for the sake of the kids and try not to provoke him.  They told her that he would mature as he got older. On one occasion, he even held a gun to her head.  From her perspective, the state's efforts to intervene didn't help her much.  When he was put in jail, she was forced to give up her job and go on welfare, because he was no longer there to watch the kids while she worked the nightshift.  That's the last time she will ever report an assault.   

Most victims view their problems as the idiosyncracies of the people involved.  "He was just worried about what I was doing or who I was with because I came home late." Or, "I started it because I told him he wasn't a real man."  Or, "It's just the drinking." But at least one woman who had been both molested and beaten by male family members when she was growing up saw her situation in stark terms of men's seemingly inevitable power over women.  She told me that her father's beatings taught her during her teens that "men are in charge" and that "there is nothing we can do about it" except try to placate them. 

These are the women who are going to lose the opportunity, in places like South Dakota, to have any chance to control their fertility by means of birth control or abortion.  These are the women we greet with incredulity when they finally report an assault because they don't immediately leave the assailant.  These are the women who know the consequences of living in a community where their perspectives and interests are not valued in any way because they are women. 

Comments

[h sofia]

I've found that even in middle class, these kinds of ideas persist. A lot of what I've seen seems to be about "keeping the family together" - the woman takes on a martyr/saint persona and is determined to "pray" her way through an incredibly humiliating and degrading marriage.

Yes, the reality is worse than we who are middle class. One can be an educated chauvinist, but chauvinism combined with all kinds of ignorance and a culture of violence is truly horrifying. Horrible things happen to women abroad, but we need to look at what is happening in our very own country. My mother knew a woman who worked in social services in a very poor and semi-rural county. The things she saw on a daily basis broke her heart. One of her last cases involved a young mother who whose abusive boyfriend decided to "punish" her for "getting" pregnant again: he sprayed Raid into her vagina. She wouldn't have even reported it; she only came in because she was sick, and didn't realize that she was suffering from the toxic effects of the Raid.

Those living in poverty tend to have a lot more triggers for violence and acting out, and less mediating opportunities. Another factor is that contraception and abortion is still treated with suspicion and derision among most. As one young man (father of two unplanned children) said to me, "I guess I'm just going to have to figure out how to make this work because I'm not going to kill my babies like those rich, white people do." Of course, he was talking about abortion.

I know my thoughts are not organized well; I have to get back to work.

[Stephanie]

I live rurally and the attitudes and behaviors you describe seem very present. Even in LA County.

[Ann]

Once I was driving through the Texas panhandle and I could only get one radio station, which was airing some sort of conservative Christian advice show. Nearly every woman that called in (and the callers were all women) had a story to tell about an abusive or neglectful or otherwise shitty relationship, and the advice to every single one of them was to pray a lot but to otherwise suck it up because when you said "till death do us part" that's what you meant and it's too late now. It was horrible to listen to. Much of the time the women were devout Christians but said their husbands weren't, which invalidates about half Crystal's arguments. Quite convenient for the men when their wives believe that they must "reverence" and obey their husbands whether the slimeballs deserve it or not. ARGH.

[TangoMan]

My respect for feminism would rise quite a bit if I saw more effort extended to bettering the lives of the women you profile instead of the bulk of feminists setting off on Larry Summers witchhunts or agitating about the lack of women law partners.

On a related note, how does it feel to be on the front lines witnessing the dygenic rise in America? It doesn't surprise me that you see this type of social malignancy generation after generation and following our conversation yesterday, the best and brightest amongst us are quite frequently not having children. Think about it in personal terms - the feminist message becomes ever more marginalized and restricted to a shrinking constituency.

[Jaymi]

I realize almost on a daily basis the privilaged life I lead and how out of touch with the bulk of American problems I am. This is one of them. I hear a lot of stories about the unbelieveable (and yes to me it feels unbelievable) things men from certain cultures do to women and see nothing wrong in the thinking, in the logic. And I'm left to wonder what I can do from my position in life to better the lives of these women, to change the minds of these men. It is a truely daunting task...

[The Happy Feminist]

Tango Man, I don't have the impression that the "bulk" of feminism is focused on the elite, although that is certainly a common accusation. And don't get me wrong, I think equity is crucial at all levels of society from the very poorest segments all the way up to the elite universities and boardrooms. So I am quite happy to spend a lot of time tearing apart Larry Summers even while poor women are forced to bear unwanted to children. Caring about one does not preclude caring about the other.

But where have you been while feminists have been reforming the public consciousness about domestic violence? Where have you been while feminists have been decrying the threats to abortion rights -- threats that will primarily affect poor rural women who cannot easily get to states or countries where abortion will continue to be available? Are you really unaware of worldwide efforts to help women who are subject to circumcision, infibulation, and honor killings?

As for the "dysgenic rise," I assume you are referring to the fact that we feminists are depriving the world of our superior DNA. I have been mulling over some ideas for a post on this subject -- but it will have to wait for another day. I won't say when because I've already broken blog promises to post about a variety of other things.

[The Happy Feminist]

Jaymi, it may depend on where you live, but in my experience, there tend to be a number of organizations on a local level where you can help, such as domestic violence shelters and educational outreach groups, or groups that provide resources for people (including women) struggling to break out of poverty. Unfortunately, it is often easier to try to help the women than to reach out to the men (until they get caught up in the criminal justice system).

[j0]

TangoMan:
What HF said. Be an ally IF you share feminist goals, don't just criticize feminists because we haven't yet conquered all the problems caused by the pressures of patriarchy, poverty, etc., etc. that have plagued this planet for millenia. Respect for you would rise if there were more effort to walk the walk rather than engage in witch-hunt-like attacks in the feminist blogosphere.

[TangoMan]

Where have you been while feminists have been decrying the threats to abortion rights

As an escort at a clinic I had to confront the protesting mobs on a regular basis. I'm prepared to defend the position that my stance on "reproductive rights" is broader than most of the commenters here.

Are you really unaware of worldwide efforts to help women who are subject to circumcision, infibulation, and honor killings?

The feminist noise machine is much louder on Larry Summers' alleged sins than it ever was on the Ethopian Fistula Epidemic or on Mauritania's Wife-Fattening Traditions, or on the treatment of women in the Third World. The responses of the noise machine are not proportionate to the problems and to me that is quite telling. More concern about Dr. Nancy Hopkins and her being prone to vapors than the actual physical harm, murder, burnings, acid attacks, etc that are inflicted upon women the world over.

[The Happy Feminist]

Tango Man, the point is that there is quite a LOT of noise on abortion rights. I am glad that you have stepped up to help, but I think it's a distortion to say that feminism is primarily about acieving equity among Ivy League graduates. Abortion rights, which have been front and center, are far more a problem for poor women than they are for women like me.

On the other hand, your perception that American feminism is a movement for white, upper class women is widely shared, even in feminist circles. Like the very healthiest of thinkers though, feminists engage in pretty strict self-criticism and self-analysis and this one is a hot-button issue.

That having been said, I refuse to temper my noise on any injustice just because there could be some other or worse injustice I could be talking about. The idea that our concerns are petty and bourgeois is something that has been used against feminists for ages. (As in, "Why are you women complaining about your unimportant little issues when racial segregation still exists and our boys are dying in Vietnam?")

[TangoMan]

feminists are depriving the world of our superior DNA.

There's no need to rile up the Leftist Creationists in our midst by invoking DNA, for the argument can be made on strictly environmental grounds. The values and examples you set for your children, as a feminist, are different from the values and examples that are the norm in the families you profiled.

[The Happy Feminist]

I couldn't resist the opportunity to be a little bit snarky.

Of course, if I have to give up my law practice because I am too busy having ten kids, it will be harder for me to model feminist values. It seems easier to try to pass them on by blogging rather than breeding.

[TangoMan]

I think it's a distortion to say that feminism is primarily about acieving equity among Ivy League graduates.

Take some of the women you profiled and introduce them to the feminist blogosphere and see if they relate to the disproportionate voice given to the concerns for equity among Ivy League graduates? What these women will be doing is confronting the public face of feminism and be left bewildered as to how feminist activism is helping them. To really create a contrast, take a women from a Pakistani village and do the same.

[The Happy Feminist]

Great. We'll start with Feministing as an intro because it spans topics of relevance around the world and across all demographics.

[The Happy Feminist]

I would also venture to say that feminists are doing a lot more for the women of whom I speak than grumpy, libertarian-minded blog commenters who spend a disproportionate amount of time complaining about the witch hunt on poor Larry Summers.

[Lanoire]

My respect for feminism would rise quite a bit if I saw more effort extended to bettering the lives of the women you profile instead of the bulk of feminists setting off on Larry Summers witchhunts or agitating about the lack of women law partners.

That you don't see this speaks to your willful blindness, not to any lack of effort on the part of feminists.

[Antigone]

Also, how is the "Feminist noise machine" responsible?

Larry Summers, and it's critiques, got a lot of press time because that was a better (read, more profitable) story for the news organizations to follow.

Larry Summers has prominence, conflict, immediacy, and fits the cultural mythos of irrational women.

Fistula doesn't have these things. It's not even really conflict because it's a disease.

[Broce]

My respect for feminism would rise quite a bit if I saw more effort extended to bettering the lives of the women you profile instead of the bulk of feminists setting off on Larry Summers witchhunts or agitating about the lack of women law partners.

You might see more effort if the MEDIA reported more of what feminism is doing worldwide, but they don't. One thing I see hurled at feminists often is the "You didn't say anything about the Taliban, you waited for conservatives to fix it" when that is far, far from the truth. Feminists spent *years* trying to get attention for what was happening to women in Afghanistan under the Taliban, but neither the media nor anyone was interested until 9/11.

[Txfeminist]

I have not read any of the comments. I just wanted to say thank you for remembering these women.

[Txfeminist]

Ok, I had to go back and scan a bit.

The things the media pick up on may or may not be the "bulk" of what feminists are doing. It's just what the media picks up on.

Couple things:

a) calling the feminist voice "noise" minimizes and disparages the intellect of the feminist voice

b) I generally hate using anecdotal evidence to back anything up but -- many women, myself included, do much more than just blog. Some of us are- wow!- activists in real life affecting real change in whatever corner of the world we can do so. Which, incidentally, in my case, covers "bettering the lives of the women [outlined in this] profile".

Put that in your pipe, and smoke it, TangoMan.

[TangoMan]

calling the feminist voice "noise" minimizes and disparages the intellect of the feminist voice

You bet. That's a problem that feminists have to confront, for the squeaky wheel gets all of the attention and the voices of the rational feminists, the moderate feminists and the reasonable feminists are drowned out. What comes forth, loud and clear, really is noise, with the all the lack of respect that comes with the term. If it makes you feel any better I too have to contend with similar types of confusion.

Consider the hypocrisy of the Summers' case. One of the complaints leveled against him was that he wasn't qualified to make his speech yet Kim Gandy, the president of N.O.W. felt that she was immenently qualified, because she was a feminist, to chastise the American Society for Reproductive Medicine for having the nerve to run public service advertisements advising women that "Advancing age decreases your ability to have children." Funny thing is though I never saw any feminists telling her to shut up because she wasn't qualified to address that issue.

There's your public face of feminism. Anything, including biology, that gets in the way of feminist dogma is shouted down. When I see such ignorance, hypocrisy, adherance to ideology, and belief in the social construction of gender, then I'm pushed further into the belief that feminism is ungrounded from reality and I can't find the common ground that these "feminists" have with the people who care about aiding the women who suffer the world around. If you want public support for the good work of these "feminists" then you need to distinguish them from the public face of "feminism." Maybe feminism is too broad of a term.

[akakutsu]

Tangoman, there is a different between being “drowned out” and “ignored”.

You write as if feminism was a perfectly neutral, well-received ideology before a couple irrational screechers came along and effed it up for the rest of us. Which is not true. Feminism is a volatile alignment and has been since its conception. We are pitted against years of history and a strong patriarchal culture, which loves to hate us. It’s not like we feminists are one mass body that secrets a solitary egg of publicity approved by each feminist every month or so for the media’s benefit. The media feeds off the tension and conflict between feminism and patriarchy and it picks and chooses how to portray feminists to the rest of the world. A moderate feminist speaks and no one cares. A screecher sounds off and twenty microphones appear before her lips. There's our problem.

I mean, look at your own example. Feminists have worked amazingly hard for years and years for women in developing nations. Education, protection from violence, reproductive freedom- such a vast body of work. Yet your example of how the feminists fail to police their public face is so pathetically… trivial. “Kim Gandy said this cause that guy said that and none of us feminists said anything about it…” ???? You think *that* is a reasonable explanation for why it's the feminists' fault that years of work are ignored while one trumpeting mouth blasts apart our credibility?

Shame on you. People like you, who search so hard for something -ANYTHING- to discredit feminists while ignoring their achievements, are the reason feminists have a bad rep in this country.

[mythago]

nstead of the bulk of feminists setting off on Larry Summers witchhunts or agitating about the lack of women law partners

False dilemma. How stupid do you think we are?

The "bulk of setting off" in the media was because Larry Summers is president of an Ivy League college. The chattering classes of whatever attitude towards feminism care a hell of a lot more about the goings-on at Harvard than they do about deaths in Africa.

I might equally wonder why the anti-feminists who sat up on their hind legs to howl in Larry Summers's defense weren't equally busy protecting women and children being raped and starved in Darfur. But that's not a rhetorical game I play. I recommend you, likewise, attempt to argue honestly instead of getting your adrenalin fix with such transparent nonsense.

[TangoMan]

How stupid do you think we are?

:) ? ? ? ?

I might equally wonder why the anti-feminists who sat up on their hind legs to howl in Larry Summers's defense weren't equally busy protecting women and children being raped and starved in Darfur.

Wonder away. I never set myself up as a feminist so the charge of minimizing the plight of African women to free up time to howl at Dr. Summers doesn't apply to me. I however donate generously to aid organizations which make a point of fortifying their food aid with micronutrients because my concerns are the genetics of intelligence, so in addition to correcting feminist dogma in the Summers' witchhunt, I also put my time and money towards efforts and groups which make a point of fortifying their food aid with micronutreints in large part so that my concerns about the intellectual impairment in Africa can be positively addressed.

I recommend you, likewise, attempt to argue honestly

The fact that you don't like the hypocrisy being pointed out doesn't make it a dishonest observation.

who search so hard for something -ANYTHING- to discredit feminists while ignoring their achievements,

Believe me, the effort involved in searching isn't that hard at all. Feminism, just like the Religious Right, provides a fountain of material to criticize. The feminism that exists today has about as much substance as the Marxism that fired up the ideologues of the last century. The Right has their religious fervor and the Left has their faith-based dogmas. Some religious people do good charity work and so do some groups working with third world women, but neither of these examples define the movements that they are a part of.

[The Happy Feminist]

This thread strikes me as just, well, ridiculous.

Consider. I write a post about the very real problem of gross sexism among segments of the rural poor in America-- which everyone on this thread, including Tango Man, seems to agree is a worthy and important topic to consider. But then somehow this thread turns into an occasion for making highly generalized statements about how feminists in general don't talk about anything important-- even though I am a feminist who was just talking about something important.

And then it turns into "Feminists suck." "No, they don't." "Yes, they do." And on, and on. I don't mind a free wheeling discussion and thus have been willing to tolerate quite a bit of thread drift. But this is just silly. And, by the way, feminists don't suck.

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